No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.

-Oscar Wilde

The funeral is on Monday. 

 I wrote a poem for Grandma, which is my way of expressing and saying goodbye; and one individual in the family firmly and steadfastly worked hard to deny me the opportunity to read this tribute at the funeral.  Saying things like “the minister said there can be only two tributes”, and “there won’t be enough time” and “what about all the other grandkids?”

This is something I did for my Nanny, and I’d like to do the same for Grandma.  I’ve tried to explain this is my way of dealing with grief, simply to be beaten down to a point where I feel hurt, cheated and lied to.  This coming from an Uncle that hasn’t spoken or acknowledged me as a Nephew in over 10 years.

It saddens me to the core, when such dissagreements can erupt on an occasions such as this. 

I’m very sorry Uncle, that you never got to know me over the last ten years, or in fact any part of my life.  Perhaps our relationship would have been different otherwise, but I am no lacky, I am my own person; and I don’t take kindly to being told by anyone how to process my grief.  I wish I could understand your reasons for being so inflexible and incongruent but you have stepped across a line today.  I’m inclined to leave you there, and move on.  May your true colours shine bright.

Last of my Grandparents, “Granny Smith”; my Grandma - was found dead this weekend.  She’d had heart troubles recently, and since moving down to Wales it’s possible she had become a little isolated.  It’s completley sudden, and none of us quite know what to do or say.

So close to losing Aunty Mary too…they say often deaths in the family happen in near succession.  One way of looking at this is, that my trip to New Zealand will begin on a low note, so the only way is up. 

Once I know the funeral arrangments I’ll travel down to Tenby, South Wales, book into a Travelodge and gather with the rest of the family.  It will be a time when many of us meet again for the first time in over 20 years! 

Life doesn’t half throw complicated curve-balls every now and again!!

Yes…I know, it’s the thought that counts…..but….

I was told recently at work, that I was part of a “Formula One Team” for the role I played in bringing on board a new client.  I was also told to look out for a “special thankyou” in my inbox.

It arrived today, a printed certificate signed by the MD for the UK - not framed or laminated or anything (though it “was” colour to be fair), fresh off the printer and a Hotwheels Toy Car.

….pauses for effect…..

For the last year there’s been this BIG drive to improve employee engagement, so here I am; poorly paid in my current position, and they thank me for going above and beyond by sending me….a kid’s toy?  If I was happy in my current role, and paid a proportionate amount for the level of work I deliver, and if I wasn’t currently immigrating to another country perhaps I could have seen the funny side, to be fair I still can - but that doesn’t outway how insulted and belittled I feel.

Here I am, with years of experience and respect earned in my role, being thanked by the top dogs with a toy. 

What more can be said?