I’m nothing if not inventive, granted it wasn’t my idea, but tonight’s socialisation involved going to a Ceilidh Night, where I was introduced to some orchestra players; friends of a friend so to speak - and I was treated to a night of learning a number of Ceilidh Dances, can’t remember all the names, but the more memorable were - ‘Strip the Willow’ and ‘Nottingham Swing’ though there were a good few others too, and in between whilst we rested various members of the group did party pieces from poetry, to singing to music!

A night of culture, good company… no GREAT company and best of all?? It cost me not one single penny (unless you count the petrol it cost me to drive there and back).

This was just the medicine I needed to get out of my current doldrums, so please pretty much desregard my last post because, really - its all good

P.S. Thank you Rachael for inviting me - you’re a cool mate; and fellow cornet player; Top Marks!!

My heart is torn in a millions directions today; I have ’something’ on my mind that just won’t go away. My life is akin to a game of chess - where most of my powerful pieces are captured; and I am missing my queen - unless I can promote one of my pawns that are left, I will remain in life’s stale-mate.

I’m sobor. Emotional.

For the time being - alone.

It’s too easy to ring up family, they are 12,000 miles away, and can not take away the pain in my heart right now, this isn’t home sickness. This is a more subtle kind of sickness. Alas - I fear my depression demon is wanting to prop it’s ugly head up again!

I will go out tonight and socialise, with complete strangers. I will put on my mask of smiles and sycophantic gestures - which only serve to further entrench my current isolation from real life.
I am a lost human, in a race of beings I know little about; I just want to find a moment of joy.

Joy:
–noun
1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son’s success.
2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prose style is a pure joy.
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.
4. a state of happiness or felicity.
–verb (used without object)
5. to feel joy; be glad; rejoice.
–verb (used with object)
6. Obsolete. to gladden.
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[Origin: 1175–1225; ME joy(e) < OF joie, joye < LL gaudia, neut. pl. (taken as fem. sing.) of L gaudium joy, equiv. to gaud- (base of gaudére to be glad) + -ium -ium]