My heart is torn in a millions directions today; I have ’something’ on my mind that just won’t go away. My life is akin to a game of chess - where most of my powerful pieces are captured; and I am missing my queen - unless I can promote one of my pawns that are left, I will remain in life’s stale-mate.
I’m sobor. Emotional.
For the time being - alone.
It’s too easy to ring up family, they are 12,000 miles away, and can not take away the pain in my heart right now, this isn’t home sickness. This is a more subtle kind of sickness. Alas - I fear my depression demon is wanting to prop it’s ugly head up again!
I will go out tonight and socialise, with complete strangers. I will put on my mask of smiles and sycophantic gestures - which only serve to further entrench my current isolation from real life.
I am a lost human, in a race of beings I know little about; I just want to find a moment of joy.
Joy:
–noun
1. the emotion of great delight or happiness caused by something exceptionally good or satisfying; keen pleasure; elation: She felt the joy of seeing her son’s success.
2. a source or cause of keen pleasure or delight; something or someone greatly valued or appreciated: Her prose style is a pure joy.
3. the expression or display of glad feeling; festive gaiety.
4. a state of happiness or felicity.
–verb (used without object)
5. to feel joy; be glad; rejoice.
–verb (used with object)
6. Obsolete. to gladden.
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[Origin: 1175–1225; ME joy(e) < OF joie, joye < LL gaudia, neut. pl. (taken as fem. sing.) of L gaudium joy, equiv. to gaud- (base of gaudére to be glad) + -ium -ium]
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